Horse Illustrated Magazine

There’s plenty of chatter these days about the damage Disney may or may not have done to create unrealistic expectations about life, men, the practical nature of animal sidekicks, and—perhaps most damagingly—hair (See generally The Internet). Happily for us horse folk, most Disney films take place before the dawn of automobiles, so we’ve always had a more pressing topic to focus our energies on: “Do I want to ride that horse?” Here are some of my favorite affirmatives:

Cyril Proudbottom

from The Wind in the Willows

This horse is a major eventing prospect. He breezes up and down hills, through water, over hedges, and past ducks while a toad skips rope on his rump, an unflappable CCI**** cross-country champion in the making. Plus, he comes to Toad’s (his rider’s) rescue as a key witness at trial, so you can tell he’d save your butt on course, and all that prancing merrily has to help in the dressage phase. Better boot this one up though; he likes to crash through things.

Verdict: I would totally ride this horse.

Samson

from Sleeping Beauty

Samson is the killer hunter gelding of your dreams. Gorgeous gray with striking black mane and tail and a blaze, decently-proportioned for an early Disney horse, food-motivated (will do most things for promise of carrots), plugs along in what appears to be a loose-ring snaffle, and his long, low, ground-covering canter looks as smooth as a mirror. He is definitely the hack winner you never had, and his square, Disney-fantasy-tight knees are bound to pin over fences, too. Seriously, go re-watch this film right now and check out those knees.

Verdict: Yes, I want to ride that horse.

Philippe

from Beauty and the Beast

Okay, so Philippe is kind of a clunker, but he has sweet eyes and he’s probably as comfortable as a palomino couch. Even better, this fella has excellent self-preservation instincts—he does try to help Maurice pick the non-scary path in the woods— so maybe he’d be equally clever when pondering whether to add a stride? All this good-hearted boy needs is half a year of conditioning and some wolf-desensitization training, and can’t you see him packing a kid around a local hunter pace?

Verdict: Yeah, I’d ride that horse.

Pegasus

from Hercules

If you’re the kind of rider who likes to get herself into trouble by falling in love with a magnificent yet impossible gray horse, Hercules’ equine buddy Pegasus is for you. His sale ad would describe him as “loyal,” meaning he’s the kind of mount who’ll break down the stall door if he sees you petting another horse. His borderline-abusive head butting might get old, you’re definitely going to need a custom saddle to fit those wings, and let’s face it, a blue mane and tail is bound to go over with judges about as well as stopping to poop in the middle of an in-and-out. But did I mention he flies?

Verdict: I definitely want to ride that horse.

Khan

from Mulan

Talk about chrome—a black horse with a blaze and four socks? A dependable partner who gallops into an avalanche to save his girl? And he looks super strong, with a substantial neck and powerful hind end? So he’s a little prissy and doesn’t like dragons. Or being called a cow. We can deal with that. To the dressage ring, you big, beautiful gentleman. I’ve got just the job for you.

Verdict: Yes, I want to ride that horse.

Maximus

from Tangled

Disney really outdid itself with Maximus, who looks like he’d be a truly awesome equitation partner. He gallops like a carousel horse, seems happy in some kind of bitless bridle (so responsive!), and we already know he looks dynamite braided. He might be opinionated, but he totally melts under the touch of a junior girl. Expressive enough and sufficiently personality-loaded to get you noticed, yet performs dutifully under pressure. This is your next Medal champion.

Verdict: I would purchase this horse immediately.

Fine, I want to ride All Of The Disney Horses. Honorable mentions to Angus from Brave (bold and adorable), Bullseye from Toy Story (for being a sweet little goofball), and Kjekk from Frozen (solely because Disney aptly chose a Norwegian Fjord). Did I miss one of your favorites? Tell us why!