Do You Really Know your Horse?

Last week my cousin came out for a ride. She’s always been a horse lover but due to college and a new job she hasn’t been able to keep up with her riding lessons. In other words, she’s a tad rusty in the saddle. But I offered to let her take Wally down the trail while I rode Danny. Naturally, Wally’s notorious past had her a wee bit wary of him. She thought Danny, the one snoozing at the hitching rail, looked more like her style. I assured her that Wally was a better choice for her.

Yet when we led our tacked-up horses out to the bridle path, she glanced over her shoulder at Wally, surmised his curled lips and his ears at half-mast, and said, “I don’t know, Cindy, he looks pretty ticked off.”

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I had to convince her that no, Wally wasn’t mad, he was just… Wally. Finally she climbed aboard and we ended up having a fun time. She had to admit that I’d put her on the right horse. I guess that’s because I’ve gotten to know my two geldings pretty well. Like a couple of good friends, I appreciate both their good and bad qualities, as well as the little quirks that make them unique.

If you spend time with a horse you really come to realize how they’re all individuals, just like us. To put a fun spin on this concept, I decided to make short profiles of my two geldings. See if they share any traits with a horse you know.

Name: Danny

Name He’d Choose for Himself: Buddy Boy

Most Endearing Trait: Big and flashy former stallion, but a big sweetheart

Best Part of the Ride: His long-strided, smooth walk

What Makes him Stop and Stare: Other horses, as if there might be a long-lost relative in the bunch

If he’s Going to Spook, This Will do It: Something moving really fast that suddenly comes into his field of vision, thus disturbing his habit of nearly sleepwalking down the trail.

He has an Odd Fascination With: Llamas. He just can’t figure them out.

In His Next Life, he’ll Come Back as This: One of those tall, dark and handsome guys described as “everybody’s buddy but nobody’s baby.” He dates dozens of girls yet when he breaks it off he does it so tactfully that no one’s heart is broken. Eventually he’ll settle down, raise the perfect family in the perfect house and gain the perfect reputation. Just the sort of person you figure either has a stash of bodies stored in the freezer out in the garage or lives a secret life as a government assassin. But he doesn’t. He’s just boringly normal. And incredibly nice.

Name: Wally

Name He’d Choose For Himself: Gonzo

Most Endearing Trait: He always lets me know just how he feels

Best Part of the Ride: Despite being built like a mini-truck, he handles like a sports car.

What Makes him Stop and Stare: Signs. It’s like he’s trying to read them.

If he’s Going to Spook, This Will do It: Chickens, especially if they’re squawking and flapping their wings. Who knows? They could run up and peck him in the fetlock.

He has an Odd Fascination With: Garage sales. The more stuff strewn about, the better.

In His Next Life, he’ll Come Back as This: He’ll find fame as a notorious gangsta-rapper, but once he hits rock bottom he’ll clean himself up and become a mild-mannered celebrity on various reality shows. Then he’ll retire on the money he makes from writing a best-seller that reveals the sordid backstory of Hollywood. He’s the guy everyone wants to hang out with, but nobody wants to be around if he happens to get really riled up over something.

Why don’t you try making up profiles of your favorite horses? I’ll bet you know them better than you think you do!

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View Comments

Anna says:
March 3, 2011 at 5:00 pm
LOL, that's awesome. I'm afraid if I tried to profile my horse, I'd end up referring him to an equine psychiatrist.
Grey says:
March 4, 2011 at 8:09 am
Too funny! Here's my go:
Name: Cleopatra
Name She’d Choose For Herself: Lady Girl
Most Endearing Trait: She closes her eyes and rests her head against my chest when I'm rubbing her face
Best Part of the Ride: Learning about each other
What Makes him Stop and Stare: Signs. Anything that's out of place. "A pole on the ground? Might jump up and bite me!"
If she’s Going to Spook, This Will do It: The flapping tarp that's on top of the fence. Tarps apparently are not meant to fly around, they're bad enough when sitting on the ground.
She has an Odd Fascination With: White plastic. Even though it's been by the water tank for MONTHS, she'll still give her death snort at it before taking a drink.
In His Next Life, she’ll Come Back as This: A fashion diva. I've never seen such a girly girl horse before.
Piper says:
March 4, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Love it!
Name: Clara
Name She's Choose For Herself: Royal
Most Endearing Trait: Beautiful horse with a personality to match
Best Part of the Ride: super-smooth gait
What Makes Her Stop and Stare: ATVs!
If She's Going to Spook, This Will Do It: Strange noises that she can't see the origin of...there might be a tiger behind that barn!
She Has an Odd Fascination With: Mirrors. "Who is that gorgeous horse? Ah yes, that's me. Let's stay right here so I can look at me some more."
In Her Next Life, She'll Come Back As: An esteemed professional photographer. She notices everything and loves the limelight. She's the girl everybody wants to be!
horsey girl says:
March 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Name: Sonny
Name He Would Choose For Himself: King Louis III
Most Endearing Trait: Calm attitude and pig-ish eating habbits, hah.
girl says:
March 7, 2011 at 7:18 am
haha
Alex says:
March 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm
NAME: Pogo
NAME HE'D CHOOSE FOR HIMSELF: Star or Diamond
MOST ENDEARING TRAIT: He loves me no matter what:)
BEST PART OF THE RIDE: He is fun and keeps you on your toes.
WHAT MAKES HIM STOP AND STARE: Cars. Not dirty clunkers, but the shiny ones. He likes his reflection, I think.
IF HE'S GOING TO SPOOK, THIS WILL DO IT: Anything I can't see.
HE HAS AN ODD FASCINATION WITH: Chewing tack. When we are pausing on a trail ride, he needs to be tied away from the other horses.
IN HIS NEXT LIFE HE WILL COME BACK AS THIS: The class clown. He'll be cute, nothing really good looking, but girls will be drawn to him anyways. He won't really get into dating, but once he finds that special girl he will not give anyone a second look.
Laura says:
March 10, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Name: Hafren
Name she would choose for herself: Baby Girl
Most endearing trait: Her good mood. I've never seen her pin her ears back or even look remotely annoyed, mean or angry.
Best part of the ride: Her smooth gate and no worries attitude.
What makes her stop and stare: People coming towards her. Who knows maybe they have a carrot in their pocket.
If she was going to spook this would do it: NOTHING. She actually tried to climb into the bucket of our tractor when we were doing some work around the farm.
She has an odd fascination with: The manure pile. She loves to stand on top of it, king of the mountain I guess.
In her next life she would come back as this: A beautiful blond secretary that spends way more time socializing than actually working.
Cindy says:
March 12, 2011 at 6:54 am
This is a great story! It sure does pay to know your horse and form a bond, because sometimes the signals he sends out aren't what people think at all. It was fun reading about Danny and Wally.
CINDY HALE says:
March 14, 2011 at 10:54 am
I REALLY ENJOY YOUR COMMENTS. THE PROFILES SOME OF YOU SHARED ARE FUNNY, TOO. A HORSE THAT CONTEMPLATES CLIMBING INSIDE A TRACTOR'S BUCKET? NOW THAT'S A VERY CURIOUS, BRAVE HORSE! MAYBE WALLY HAS A RELATIVE OUT THERE!
Shannon says:
March 22, 2011 at 9:29 am
Name: Hunter
Name He’d Choose for Himself: Lover Boy
Most Endearing Trait: He loves to get scratches, and LOVES to make cute faces for cookies!
Best Part of the Ride: His nice floating trot (if he gives it to you)
What Makes him Stop and Stare: Anything...Light, Dirt, Wood, The fence, A tree, the Pig
If he’s Going to Spook, This Will do It: A bird call does it if he's on the trail.
He has an Odd Fascination With: Foals and minis. He loves to play with them and used to get turned out with 2 mini horses.
In His Next Life, he’ll Come Back as This: A mini horse who is a stud and a fuzzy goofball.