Horse Illustrated Magazine

Facebook is a powerful tool that allows humans to share photos of brunch and videos of cats in ways that we never could before. It also allows us to keep up with our closest equestrian friends and frenemies, former barnmates, childhood riding instructors, that girl we met at a show that one time, and our favorite celebrity trainer. You might notice that some of the members of your vast network of horsey friends and acquaintances start to fall into certain categories. Here’s your field guide to the types of horse people on Facebook.

1. The Overachiever. Between the photos from their weekday rides at 5:30 a.m., the high-point award trophies collected at the year end banquet on Saturday, and the Map My Ride showing the 10+ mile trail ride in the pouring rain on Sunday, WE GET IT. You’re better than us. We like having the overachiever in our news feed because it gives us something to aspire to, but sometimes we just want some proof that she’s mortal. Please post a status about how you forgot to turn off the hose to the trough all night or something, Overachiever, just so we know.

2. The Vaguebooker. “Sometimes being a horse owner is hard. :(” Oh? Tell me more. But the Vaguebooker never does. Even when her friends ask for details, there’s never any follow up. “Poor Silver had a rough day.” Well, is he okay? Nothing but crickets. Vaguebookers are certainly not limited to equestrian circles, but we do have our fair share.

3. The “Trainer.” It costs hundreds of dollars or more each month to keep a horse in full training. But why spend that kind of money when there is probably at least one “Trainer” just waiting to spring some unsolicited advice on you? Share a silly anecdote about how your horse took off on the trail after a bunny hopped out of the bushes? The “Trainer” is the first to reply with a 12-step plan to fix your horse’s spookiness, which you hadn’t even realized was a problem. And all for free. Thanks, “Trainer”!

4. The Shutterbug. This amateur photographer posts plenty of photos of her horse for the world to see, but too much of a good thing really is too much. Between the grooming sesh selfie, the endless between-the-ears shots, the eight-second video of the horse munching on his hay post-ride, we have to wonder if the Shutterbug is even capable of living in the moment. Did you enjoy your ride, or was it all just a photo op, Shutterbug?

5. The Political Activist. When you were in a group lessons together, this person seemed pretty cool. But when she added you on Facebook, you saw a whole ‘nother side. The Activist’s political tirades are factually questionable and of a slant so far to one side that you wonder if she’s welcome at anyone’s Thanksgiving table. Sure, there’s the “hide” option, but she interrupts her stream of political ranting with awesome photos of her adorable horse, and you really don’t want to miss those. Why doesn’t Facebook have an “Hide (except for cute animal photos)” option?

Back to The Near Side

Leslie Potter is Sr. Associate Web Editor of horseillustrated.com. Follow her on Twitter: @LeslieInLex.